


Being himself

by AniZH



Category: Victorious
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-01-20
Packaged: 2019-03-07 06:21:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13428663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AniZH/pseuds/AniZH
Summary: Jade’s exactly what Beck needs in his life with everything she is. She allows him to be himself.





	Being himself

She allows him to be angry. She riles him up.  
Sometimes, she even seems to have fun irritating him. Mostly, he feels like an outlet for her though. And sometimes, that gets him going. Sometimes, she says things that make him so damn angry.  
It doesn’t have to be anything big. One time, she just keeps nagging at him for no reason at all. She claims that he’s annoying her when they’re doing homework together. Like... He’s ruffling his own hair as he’s thinking and she tells him to stop fidgeting because she needs to concentrate. It’s stuff like that she complains about for an hour before it’s enough for him.  
“Can you stop?”  
“With what?” she asks, viciously right away.  
“With that,” he answers. “What’s going on?”  
Jade rolls her eyes. “You annoy me, that’s what’s going on!”  
Beck’s anger rises. “By just being myself?”  
“Yes,” Jade promptly answers.  
“Great, thanks,” Beck spits out. “You don’t need to take your problems...” He wants to say more, obviously, but she cuts in, sounding totally unnerved: “Shut up!”  
He can’t believe this. “Are you fucking kidding me?”  
Jade rolls her eyes and answers, much quieter than Beck is by now, but definitely also angry: “Yeah, sure, I’m in the mood to kid.”  
“Obviously you aren’t,” Beck responds loudly. “You want to fight.”  
Now, Jade promptly gets loud again too: “You’re the one fighting with me! Just shut the fuck up and stop –“ she makes a gesture in his general direction.  
“Being myself,” he finishes her sentence with a bitter voice. “Yes, sure.”  
She rolls her eyes again and he can’t help himsef: “I should be the one doing that!” Because he should be. He should also be the one being annoyed, instead of her.  
“Bite me!” she says.  
“Well, fuck you, too,” he spits out, grabs his own text book and throws it through the room against the opposite wall. Just to let out that sudden anger, to not do something worse.  
Then, it’s silent for a moment with Jade and Beck looking at each other. It’s not silent because Jade’s suddenly afraid of him or anything. It’s not silent because she feels like she shouldn’t say anything anymore if he starts throwing stuff around. She sometimes makes him throw even more things. It’s silent because somehow, everything’s said and done. She doesn’t feel like fighting anymore and neither does he.  
And he knows she hasn’t done it on purpose but she does get turned on by him being angry sometimes. She’s turned on right now and promptly, their lips crash onto each other for a hard and intensive kiss.  
Somewhere deep down, he feels somewhat relieved. Because he let out anger he didn’t even know he had bottled up inside of him again.  
He’s always so calm but he has long realized that all those little annoying things still stack up inside of him. Stuff like this, these small senseless fights with Jade, makes him live out that anger, makes him let it explode, relieves him, before he takes it out on anyone who can’t handle it.

 

She allows him to be stupid about certain things. She laughs at it.  
She likes smart people. She likes him being smart about mostly everything. But only mostly. Sometimes, she’s fine with him being an idiot.  
For example about his possessiveness. Yes, he does feel possessive over her, when someone flirts with her. That doesn’t happen to often as she knows how to prevent it.  
People who flirt with her every time they see her are his cousins. It’s terrible. It’s terrible because he wants to spend all his time with her and therefore wants her with him when he visits his family in Canada. He also does like her spending time with his parents and grandparents in hope that they finally realize how great Jade is (which none of them do as of now).  
In any way... He now vents about it. In front of Jade after they spend the afternoon with the family. They’re back in their room at the hotel and Beck tells Jade how much his cousins annoy him.  
Dryly, Jade says: “You do realize they’re like you, right?”  
Beck doesn’t get it. He hopes badly that she doesn’t mean that they are like him in a way that makes her like them. He doesn’t know if he could stand that.  
Jade explains: “Their flirting. It’s exactly how you behave around everyone.”  
Gosh, is it? Is he behaving like those guys? Jade always claims he has that stupid easy smile for everyone. He would call what his cousins show Jade a stupid easy smile.  
And if that’s how he smiles at all those girls, like Jade claims every other day... “I’m sorry.”  
She shrugs, bored. “I can live with it.”  
He believes her and has to lean forward and kiss her. They’re sitting on the bed together and he knows he shouldn’t have used their time alone to vent about his cousins but to crazy make out with her.  
But his cousins are still on his mind, even now, after he vented. He has to say: “They aren’t just themselves though. I know them since forever. I know they’re attracted to you.”  
Jade rolls her eyes but isn’t really annoyed with him, he knows. “And sometimes you’re talking to girls, you’re attracted to too.”  
And he knows what she’s getting at. He might talk to girls he’s attracted to too. It’s not like you suddenly aren’t attracted to anyone anymore as soon as you love someone else and are in a relationship with them. But just because he’s talking to them and even smiles at them like he does, it doesn’t mean he wants to start something with them. Which is why he shouldn’t believe his cousins are different. Yes, they’re attracted to her and talk to her with that same smile, but that doesn’t mean they actually wants to get with her. Which he believes.  
He still does because no matter what he does or doesn’t do... “But I love you.” None of them have a girlfriend at the moment. No girl they love. Why shouldn’t they try to be with her if they can’t even stop flirting with her in front of Beck?  
“And they don’t,” Jade easily says. “They don’t even know me.” Which is why he shouldn’t care about their flirting.  
“They never will. I’ll make sure of that,” Beck says and they kiss once more, before he can’t help but ask, even though he hates himself for doing so: “Are you attracted to them?”  
Jade still has her hand in his neck, their faces are close and she looks directly in his eyes, as she shrugs. “It’s not like they’re ugly.”  
He hates it. He has never hated his cousins more, he’s sure.  
He’s close to drawing back but Jade promptly pulls him into another kiss, before she adds: “They are, of course, Canadians.”  
It’s obviously to make him feel better. She would never lie and therefore claim she doesn’t find his cousins attractive. She instead pretty much said she does but makes a joke out of it.  
“I’m Canadian too,” he says.  
“Ugh, don’t remind me,” Jade says as if she hasn’t remembered – being in Canada with her boyfriend to visit his family. “The thought that any kid of mine will be half Canadian... Ugh.”  
Okay, wow. That cheers him up big time. Her talking about their possible future like that...  
He smiles and kisses her, deeply, before he gently says: “I love you.”  
She smirks. “You should.”

 

She allows him to be creative. She asks it of him.  
She told him once that she can’t believe what a sucker she was for creativity. She didn’t know that before she met him. Then, she was attracted to him, which she hated, according to her – and got even more attracted when she saw him acting as well as he did.  
“That’s why I hate you,” she said with that glint in her eye, really telling himwith that that she loved him for it.  
She’s into everything artsy he does, somehow. She likes his acting and his writing. She loves his singing and his music. She loves how he takes photos. She asks him do all of it. She makes him write scripts and act them out with her. She pushes him to sing with her. She wants him to take the best photos ever taken.  
Today, he isn’t in the mood for any of it. He’s sitting on the couch in his RV and looks through the internet on his laptop. But there’s nothing interesting there. There’s nothing new to see on TheSlap, nothing interesting to read on the platforms he likes to visit, no good video on youtube, nothing that grabs his attention at all.  
He’s so bored and just... doesn’t know what to do. And when that’s the case, there’s always only one thing he can do: call Jade.  
He puts the laptop away and takes his phone to call her.  
It takes four rings, then she picks up. “What’s going on?”  
She sounds a little annoyed but she often sounds like that. And he’s sure this isn’t about him calling.  
“I’m bored,” he tells her.  
“And I’m your solution to a boring afternoon,” she dryly adds.  
Well... “You are.”  
“Great,” she says sarcastically, as if she doesn’t like being his solution to a boring time. Yet, she adds: “You can’t come over though. Still at my grandparents’.”  
That’s why she isn’t over. She has gone to visit her grandparents for lunch. He hoped she would’ve long been home by now, but apparently, she isn’t.  
“Ugh,” he makes because this means she also won’t stay at the phone with him. She must’ve stepped out and her grandparents will expect her back. Not that she cares what anybody expects of her and if they would come out now to tell her to get off the phone, she surely would start a fight with them, because noone tells her what to do (except Beck and her mother who are sometimes allowed). But she also told Beck once that if she visits them, she does want to have that time with them, because what’s the point otherwise?  
“I know,” she says anyway, not taking it badly that Beck doesn’t like her visiting her grandparents. “Have you already taken those photos you wanted to take?”  
Beck has to take photos for his photography class, which are all supposed to dispict one chosen object – and which are all supposed to tell different stories.  
He decided to take photos of glasses in certain scenes, like on the ground in a way that makes it look like the person owning the glasses had an accident. On top of a book as if someone just took a little break reading it. Next to an unmade bed.  
“No,” he has to answer. He felt so inspired, talking to Jade about it, but... well...  
“Why not?” Jade questions.  
“Dunno,” he answers. “Don’t feel like it.”  
“Do it now,” Jade promptly says.  
But he doesn’t feel like it. He can’t force himself to be creative.  
Jade can though, somehow. Not force. She inspires him by just making him do it, somehow. “If you can show me a great new photo when I come by later, I’ll stay the night.”  
He likes that thought. Her staying over.  
But he’s sure he can get more out of this: “And I can take some more photos of you?”  
He loves taking photos of her. She’s the best subject for it.  
She decides: “But only if you take a really good one of those glasses, so I know I can trust you.”  
“Suddenly, I’m really in the mood to take some photos,” he says with a grin and without a doubt, he hears a smirk when she answers: “Good. See you later.”

 

She allows him to be dark. She encourages it.  
He has always had... dark thoughts. Like... not about killing anyone or himself or whatever. Not even about hurting someone. But he was always full of stories and with what-ifs. What if you would fall while running with scissors in your hand? Would there be blood? What if you would get an infection because there was something weird on your scissors? Could you die by falling onto your scissors?  
He barely talked about thoughts like that. He early on realized that his parents didn’t like him wondering about that sort of stuff at all. His friends also looked at him weirded out when he mentioned anything alike. He learned to keep his mouth shut and just wonder a little for himself. At times he didn’t allow himself to wonder too much, to think of too many stories.  
Then, Jade came along and made him think all those thoughts. She loves discussing those thoughts with him, loves when he talks about how a horror movie could’ve been even scarier and more horrible, loves him writing the darkest scripts.  
They’re in bed in the RV right now, him spooning her. The lights are out and they’re about to go to sleep. Except he isn’t because he’s thinking about this new movie idea he has had and would like to write.  
He starts kissing her neck, which she accepts by pushing into him with her back and making a quiet noise.  
With a smile, he keeps kissing her, letting his hand wander down her arm. One of her hands is trapped under her own head, he finds her other in front of her on the bed, stroking down her arm until he reaches it.  
He sucks down on her neck for a moment, before he suddenly lets go, pins down her wrist on the mattress and pushes his other hand in form of a fist against her lower back.  
Before she can react in any form, he whispers close to her ear, leaning further into her: “ If I would stab you like this, would you realize what was happening before you died? Could you react? Would you have time to be afraid?”  
He feels the chills running through her body, feels her shiver in his arms. But she isn’t trying to free herself. She isn’t turning around with big eyes. She doesn’t get scared by him saying things like this.  
He’s sure everybody else would. But Jade’s so different. She enjoys being creeped out like this.  
Quietly, she answers: “I think I would try to jerk around, but wouldn’t manage. My eyes would widen. Depending on where exactly you stab me, I would die, while lying here with widened eyes.”  
And she always has an answer. Especially when he asks her like this, out of nowhere, in a quiet moment.  
“That would be a nice picture in a movie,” he responds, picturing it in his head, openly, which he never would’ve dared before he met Jade. He imagines how the scene would play out, how the camera would move, how the victim would die.  
“It would be,”she agrees. “Would he leave right away? Would he stay with her?”  
He hasn’t thought about it before, but tries to imagine his character’s actions and easily decides, while doing as he himself says: “He would lean over her, kiss her cheek and then stay for the night.”  
He settles back behind her, having let go of her wrist by now.  
That finally makes her turn around and there’s a glint in her eye, a glint of fascination and sexual attraction. Before he knows it, she has taken his face into both her hands and has pulled him into a passionate kiss.

 

She allows him to be himself. She loves him.  
It’s daunting for him. It’s daunting that someone as great as Jade can love him, exactly the way he is. She doesn’t tell him very often, but it shows in her eyes. It shows in the way she leans into him. It shows in the way she smiles at him. It shows in the glint in her eyes and the smirk on her lips.  
They’re in her room where he feels as comfortable as in his RV – though they spend much more time in the RV together than in her room.  
They’re sitting at her desk, which has room for both of them when he sits on the side of it. They’re doing their homework. Or should do them. He has stopped after she made a short snarky comment about her own.  
Now, he watches her. And why is it that he only watches her doing her homework and he still feels this incredible warmth inside of him. She isn’t even looking back. They aren’t touching. She isn’t doing anything creative at the moment where she has that sort of look in her eye that must make everyone fall for her. She’s even a little bored and annoyed by doing the work in front of her.  
And though there’s nothing special going on, this is somehow everything for him. Sitting here with her, getting to look at her, to watch her.  
And suddenly, it comes over his lips, as easy as every time he has ever said it to her: “I love you.”  
Jade looks up, a little confused upon the sudden confession. She cocks an eyebrow, before she says: “You’re such an odd person.”  
Something, she has said on their very first date. Yet, she came back for more. She fell in love with him.  
“Can’t help myself,” he says with a gentle smile.  
She smirks and reaches out for him, putting one of her hands on his cheek. She leans forward and kisses him.  
He returns the kiss without hesitation, as if he would ever hesitate with that.  
She stays close to him, even after they break apart, looks into his eyes, strokes with her thumb over his lips. Finally, with a quiet and fully loving voice: “I love you, too.” He knows she does. He doesn’t know how it’s possible but he knows that it’s true. Jade loves him exactly the way he is.


End file.
